6-17-20

9:15 PM

I worked out again tonight. Another short workout, but I'm trying to ease myself back into it. I've always had a tendency to go 0-100 when getting back into weight training, and I don't want to make that mistake again and end up hurting myself. My goal is to work out every other day for as long as I can keep my motivation to do so. One of my bad habits... probably my worst habit... is starting things and not finishing them. Or I'll get really excited to be working out again, and then I'll quit 2 weeks later. I really need to not do that this time around. I'm not getting any younger, and I feel like I'll never have the body I've always wanted. There isn't any better time to get in shape. I was going to try to not tell my girlfriend that I started working out, but it accidentally came out today, and of course she was happy for me and encouraged me, but I was really hoping I could keep it from her for a couple months and randomly surprise her with a bit of muscle definition or maybe be a little skinnier. Oh well. I'm grateful that I at least have her support.

She and I will be moving in together hopefully at the end of this month. I am stressed because my new job isn't giving me anywhere near full-time hours even though I was promised 40hrs a week. If I move into a new place and continue to only work 2 days a week, I won't be able to afford rent. I didn't need another thing to stress about, yet here we are.

I have some really great things in my life right now, but I'm still depressed most days, and I can't figure out why. The world just feels different now. Ever since I quit my last job and since coronavirus changed the landscape of the world... things just feel weird. It's hard to put into words. I feel more and more like I'm living in a dystopian novel rather than whatever reality used to be. None of this feels real. I just want to be happy. I'm tired of feeling disconnected.